Is This Mania ?

Breathing air that seemingly becomes so fresh Working endlessly on a project that determines my worth.
Going hours without eating Disappearing without a trace Reading theories about the fucking M&M characters!
I thought I was just happy.
Finally after months of being alive but not living.
I just thought I was better.
Healed.
But not eating takes a toll, My body shaking as I try to hold off for just one more second.
If I eat the happiness leaves.
The energy…the frenzy just leaves.
I am in love to the very thing that destroys me.
I guess it’s mania.

MANIAC

Today has been good.
I got out of bed. I showered. I got dressed up.
I was productive. I had coffee. I filed papers.
I socialized—flourishing in the limelight.
…I made a mistake.

Today has not been good.
The shower was so hot it scorched my skin.
When I was getting coffee, I almost hit another car.
While I was socializing, I crossed boundaries that I knew were there but didn’t care about in the moment.

Today has been manic.
I cried hysterically when I put on my ex’s favorite shirt. I didn’t stop until I was ordering my drink.
My productivity consisted of using up old art supplies by tie dying my bathroom towels at 2:30 in the morning.
I think I pushed away my best friend.

Today, I took my medicine. But today, it didn’t help.