She’s in the grocery store pushing her cart; the territory is familiar. The aisles seem tighter than usual and she begins talking to herself. It used to be that the talking was in her head, but as people pass her by, now they wonder who she’s speaking to. Yelling at. Making fun of.
“You leave your cart on the left side of the freezer section aisle, but you are actually on the right hand side of the freezer aisle picking something out. There’s a box of God knows what in the center selling something for pets and I can’t get by.”
So she stands there waiting.
That time she knew she was yelling out loud. The “Oh, sorry…” didn’t fill the void of anger as she continues her shopping in agony because people and noise and disruption are all part of her triggers.
Today she only needed a handful of items so the self-checkout was there and waiting. She mentally prepared herself for the woman inside the machine who told her what to do, step by step, usually a step behind what she was already doing.
Put the item in the bag…
I already DID!
Remove the item from the bag and place in on the scale…
What the fuck for?
Place the item in the bag…
Oh, you mean the one where it was before you dumb bitch!
Select method of payment…
I already scanned my card!
Don’t forget to take your bags…
Why in the fuck would I go through all of this and forget to take my bags?
People are listening and staring, and she actually cares but she rushes out of the store in hopes those same people won’t be there next time she returns.
—Actually me in every store!!
1 thought on “Anxiety Shopping”
I love this insight into your life. 🙂